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Thursday, May 26, 2011

Never Say Never

Let this blog post be the record of things I once said I would never do but have recently found myself doing...

1. Dyeing my hair. I know, I know- you should never make a decision about your hair while in the middle of a life crisis. But there wasn't really anything else I wanted to do more after the shock of being dumped wore off. And I learned my lesson. It won't likely happen again.

2. Returning to Alabama. This one's tricky. I went back for my cousin's wedding, and discovered a lot. For example, I learned my brother is much bigger than me, my mom has a tattoo, and I don't like alcohol. Also I came back as one large, walking mosquito bite. Good trip.

3. Admitting that I listen to Justin Bieber.I somehow convinced my sister that I deserved a "Congratulations-for-getting-into-nursing-school" gift, and I requested all of her JB songs. Needless to say, I am enjoying my new music.

After seeing my family and spending countless time with my siblings, I've been thinking a lot about my sister Amy that passed away. Someone mentioned during my family's visit that she would be in high school now. That makes me feel so old :) But as sad as it is to wonder what having another sister would be like, it feels like every member of my family fits in just the right way. I felt such peace looking at the connections I have with my siblings. We are all so different from each other, but I love being with them and I'm proud to see what is next for each of them in the coming year.

"Everything will be fine, everything in no time at all,
hold your own, know your name, and go your own way."

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

I'm a Twitterer-er...

After being dumped, most girls dye their hair an unnatural color, listen to angry break-up songs, and host a burning party to destroy unwanted relics of their crumbled relationship. I have only mustered enough energy to have my split-ends trimmed and to sign up for a Twitter account. Way to stick it to the man, Sam.

So instead of spending evenings making myself sick eating self-pity ice cream, I spend my free time wracking my brain for a reason, any reason, that I deserved having my heart broken. Inevitably, I start wondering if I could have won him over had I been prettier, skinnier, smarter, more ambitious, more compassionate. I have no doubt that improvement in any of these things is both possible and necessary. But I have nothing to go on, no idea what I could have done differently. I am literally at a loss.

Last week was Mother's Day, and it reminded me of how grateful I am for my mom. She has a knack for raising independent, well-rounded children, if I do say so myself :) But it also got me wondering what kind of mother I will hopefully be someday (read: in the VERY VERY distant future). Probably the kind that thinks dressing her kids to look like they stepped out of a BabyGap ad is not worth the battle it will be getting them to look that way. And probably the kind that thinks the best cure for any ailment involves homemade chicken soup and a John Steinbeck novel. Yep, I can see now that my children will be mismatched, soup-gluttonous readers. That said, I'd like to send a big shout-out to my mom who even now answers my questions about filing taxes and roasting turkeys. Thanks, Ma.