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Monday, May 17, 2010

Death and Taxes

There are some things in life that are inevitable. For example, I will ALWAYS miss a spot when shaving my legs and agree to look foolish if given the opportunity to go on an adventure. It is not surprising to me, then, that another of life's truths is that my best plans will inevitably fall through. At this moment, I am one of countless homeless, jobless college graduates. I spend my days babysitting my family's high-strung puppy and wondering how much cleaning is too much cleaning. Despite this, I am trying to trust that my move to Portland (or more accurately, wherever I get into a nursing program)will be revealed in time. Until then, I will continue finding things to clean and prepare for camp!

My friend, Kris, left this morning to spend two months in Honduras. I am so excited for him I could burst, but I'm a little sad as well. Even though it's only for a while, I feel like I will be without one of my best friends for the next eight weeks. In the midst of this, I realized that I am jealous. I am jealous of Honduras for getting to have Kris all summer; but more importantly, I am jealous of Kris for getting to go to Honduras and serve there this summer. Now, I know jealousy is a bad trait to have. As a sister in Christ, my love for Kris should have absolutely no hint of jealousy. But there is an upside. After feeling jealous, I feel very affirmed that I am being called into missions, because I know how desperately I feel called to be working overseas. If my reaction was any less passionate, I would question my aspiration to make missions a vital part of my life. And so, while I had to ask for forgiveness for acting jealously, I am confident that the Lord is
changing my desires into His desires to see me sent to the nations. Really cool.

To end, I will tell a story about one of the little girls I am nannying for until I leave for camp. I was playing Pretty Little Ponies with Jillian, while simultaneously chasing her baby sister, Madeline,around the house. Jillian had been pretty patient with my lack of participation until she finally called out to me, "Sam, one of the ponies is lost. Who will help me save it?" I told her that I would be there to help, and assured her that she was the perfect person to go save the pony. It seems silly, but I wonder how many times God looks at me, shaking his head, saying, "Sam, if you see a need, meet it. I have equipped you, I will go with you, and you are just the person I had in mind to send." I pray that I never miss an opportunity to go precisely where the Lord has called me.

"Missed the last train home, birds pass by to tell me that I'm not alone.
Over-pushing myself to finish this part, I can handle a lot...
But one thing I'm missing is in your eyes."