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Saturday, January 30, 2010

Now I'm Free Fallin'

Someday, when I find a nice young man who I can convince to put up with me for the rest of my life, I will get married on a day exactly like today has been. I woke up to find a beautiful white layer of snow quilting my path to the library. Call me crazy, but I don't care. I want a cold, wintery wedding. Oh yes.

So now I sit enveloped by books on Hippocrates at my almost-favorite table in the library. My Tetley tea is hot and prepared just the way I like it (milk, no sugar). Overall, life is good. My Haitian babies have a few supplies, at least enough to hold them until we can send a team down in a couple weeks. I have been so busy with worry for them and schoolwork that the past weeks have flown by.

God is doing a magnificent new work in me. I am continuing to learn more about His joy through my heartache, but it's as if something new is being birthed in my heart. I am beginning to feel a strong restlessness to go to Asia. And it doesn't feel like anything I've experienced before. I mean, I've always wanted to travel to Africa and China and India and Haiti and countless other places. But my heart feels like it's literally being pulled to China right now, like it wants to burst out and board a plane on its own. It's a strange (almost physical) sensation. I am also being called by God to trust Him more now than ever before, which is already so difficult for me. He's asking me to get out of my comfort zone by going to a new place after graduation, a place where I have only a few contacts and where I will truly be on my own. He's asking me to trust that a relationship (that may or may not be forthcoming) with someone will work out to His perfection. Indeed, I'm trying my hardest to be patient and allow this fellow to pursue me, not the other way around. In all, I'm terrified and exhilarated by this upcoming season of my life. I can't wait to see where I'm being led. Goodbye, Wilmore.....Hello Portland!

"She's a good girl, loves her momma, loves Jesus, and America too..."

Monday, January 18, 2010

I left my heart in Haiti

I'm heartbroken. I wish with every cell of my body that I could be in Haiti with the kids. Since the earthquake, people have come up to me to tell me how sorry they are and to ask if I've heard any news. The trouble is, nothing I say can express the scope of my worry and the pain I feel in my heart. I worry because Meola has been hungry for 5 days. I worry that David doesn't have a secure place to sleep tonight. And I have other worries, too. I pray that Jonas will be able to attend his classes sooner rather than later, and that Johnny comes back from the university safely, and that Chrispin will be able to make it to Haiti and get to the orphanage very quickly. I worry because just over a week ago, I skyped with all my Haitian babies. I saw their faces and heard their words. I promised them I would try to visit them soon. Gabieson shouted " I enjoy you!" through the computer screen and Sonson piped up in the background that he wanted me to come see him in March. I didn't realize that a week later I would be praying for these people to somehow find enough food and water to sustain all of them, plus the 40 new orphans that have sought haven with them.

Please be in prayer for them. I wish I could say more about how I'm feeling, but the best way to describe it might be how I imagine a mother would feel knowing that her children were in danger. I cannot fathom a mother's love, but if it anything like the fierce, overwhelming need to be with them and shelter them and fight to the death for them that I feel now, then I can see a slight reflection of the power of a mother's love. And even more powerfully, I rest in the fact that my Heavenly Father loves them even more fiercely than I do and truly did fight for them to the death. And I feel a little more reassured that food and water will come, and that David will rest safely with the rest of them. That schools and homes and lives will be rebuilt. That I will make it down to see them soon.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Updates from a New Year

Last night, I took a walk in the snow. It was gorgeous...the kind of snow that glitters as it meanders slowly to the ground. If it wasn't so cold, I would have sat in a snow drift as the flakes buried me in joy. But alas, I was too numb to stay out for longer than 15 minutes.

This past Christmas was both the hardest and the most joyful I've ever experienced. My time at home was so relaxing and rejuvenating. And Urbana was amazing...God opened my eyes to becoming the incarnation in the most difficult places in the world. I'm really excited to serve somewhere...anywhere. God is moving in China and Africa and India and South America. And I want to go to them all :) This break was countered only slightly by some of the scariest news I've ever received: that a mole I had removed contained cancerous cells. I'm going to be fine, but it will be a couple weeks before I know that it is all gone and that I'm completely healed. And to think that I almost didn't go to the doctor to have it looked at...God is so good to me, even when I have no idea of how He's working!

And now I am headed into my last semester of undergrad. Time flies, but I hope that this doesn't fly too fast...there's still so much for me to learn! I'm only slightly less socially awkward than when I started :)

"I think I figured it out
We need to be together
Like the shore and the sea..."