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Monday, July 6, 2009

It's only the rest of my life...

Week six of Summer 2009: I have discovered a few things. First and foremost, I believe that, if given a choice between spending the rest of my life at a desk job and earning good money or traveling aimlessly and barely scraping by, I’d take the latter. While I love doing the actual research for my project, I’m not a “sit-around-and-do-busy-work” person. Honestly, who voluntarily signs up to write papers for a living? Secondly, as seems to be the theme of my life, I am in awe yet again at God’s provision for me. I have attempted to fundraise many times for missions trips over the years, but within 2 days of spontaneously deciding to go to Haiti I had raised over half of my money. I say this only to tell you how stunned and affirmed I feel when I let go of my own plans.

The truth will come out eventually, so you might as well hear it from the source. I, Samantha Elizabeth Hargett, will most likely not be going to medical school. Even as I type this, I’m flooded with relief over this fact. I am prepared for the onslaught of questions and utterances of “What is she thinking?!?” and I understand the confusion. I myself have gone over and over in my head the reasoning behind such a decision. I’m not afraid of failing my MCAT, or not getting in to my best school, or getting spattered in blood. What scares me most is thinking that I’ll wake up in ten years and not be fulfilling my purpose. I already see the disappointment pooling in the eyes of those I have told and hear it dripping from my mother’s voice. I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t think medical school will make me happy and (more importantly) I don’t think it is where I’m supposed to go. I want to get outside my culture. I want to live everyday with a husband and children instead of missing out on their lives. I want to risk comfort and apathy and wealth. It will involve tiring, thankless work and sick, bleeding, broken people. But none of that will really matter. I will be living the life to which I’ve been called.

“And from the ball room floor, we are in celebration,
One good stretch before our hibernation…”