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Saturday, August 29, 2009

Proud to be a Raider-hater

This has been a week of firsts. It's my first week as an RA. It's my first week as an official senior (though that barely counts because I was a senior last semester). It's my first week with a new roommate. And it's my first week with half a heart, the other piece having been left somewhere in Haiti. This week has stretched me to my limits, and yet, I feel frighteningly refreshed and joyful.

For a long time, I struggled with the concept of joy. It wasn't that I was sad or depressed. I just never felt the desire to be "Miss-Sunshine-radiates-out-of-every-pore-of-my-being"- girl. More than anything, I was annoyed by those who were constantly happy because it seemed unrealistic. I mean, seriously, who is that happy all the time? And now, I fear, I have become my own worst nightmare. I have realized that my joy comes in my security and assurance of Christ's overwhelming love for me rather than my meager feeling of happiness. The funny thing about joy is that it keeps growing and developing in spite of itself. I love it.

I'm drowning in my attempt to process my trip to Haiti. I have never felt so at home, even when I go back to Colorado and my family. It was different, in fact, from my trip last year to South Africa. While I loved Africa and can still see myself working there temporarily, leaving Haiti was like leaving my home and yearning to go back as quickly as possible. I feel as if God has opened the doors to Haiti and said, " I love this country more than I can express. I died for my children there. And I have given you the gifts to show them this." I ache for the poverty and sadness that envelops Haiti, yet I have such a strong desire to love the people there. Stay tuned for what happens with this!

In lighter news, 'tis the season for NFL! I can't wait to have a standing Sunday night date with CBS once more. Go Broncos!

"Hello world, Hope you're listening.
Forgive me if I’m young, speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing.
I think that they could be
The better half of me..."

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Why yes, I am William Velez!

Today is one of those days where you wake up and feel as though it is a dreary, rainy evening. I love the dark skies and the soft hum of the rain that will continue, I’ve learned since living in Kentucky, for several days. I want nothing more than to cozy up on a couch somewhere with a steaming cup of Tetley and a good novel. Sadly, however, I have to sit in a cubicle and feed cancer cells, wearing a lab coat that belongs to a man named William Velez and bemoaning the fact that my fingers are too long to fit into small-sized gloves. C’est la vie.

The summer is quickly drawing to a close and my heart is slowly starting to break. I have loved staying here at UK, living at the Wesley Foundation, and meeting the people who have become my family in these past few months. I have been unequivocally welcomed into this group of people and invited to join the ministry being pursued there, and it has been wonderful.

I have been challenged this summer. I have learned that cooking for yourself takes time and effort, and I have learned that growing up in a large family has ill-prepared me for cooking for only myself. I have learned that gardening heals the soul, and that homegrown vegetables always taste better. I have learned that it’s never too late to change your mind about your plans and that it’s always better to let go of your own volition in favor of God’s fantastic plan.
Now it’s off to Haiti…I’m beyond excited!

"Tonight maybe we're gonna run, dreaming of the Osaka sun, Oh dreaming of when the morning comes..."